Early as a father, I learned that kids are smart. I do not just mean just my kids- they are very smart- but rather kids in general. They have the uncanny ability to adapt to change and their observational skills are not tainted or dulled by life experiences. When a family member or friend develops dementia, it affects everyone. Children, unaware of what dementia is, will no doubt see the change in behaviour and be aware of how it affects everyone around them.

Explaining dementia to children and young people can be challenging for adults. It may be hard to know how much information to provide and the best way to explain it. While we do not need to provide all the details, it is important to approach the conversation with honesty. For example, you can explain that dementia affects the way the body and brain work together and can affect how someone thinks, acts, or remembers. A person may not show love the same, it never changes how much their loved one loves them.

Who should have these conversations with kids? Depending on how the person is affected by dementia, they may be able to have the conversation themselves. Supporting that individual when the conversation occurs can be helpful. The conversation should occur early after diagnosis- waiting until dementia has progressed may lead to feelings of mistrust and fear.

Preparing children can prevent conflict. For example, if grandma calls them by their mother’s name, we can explain that the disease makes it hard to keep facts straight. The resemblance to the mother may be triggering the wrong memory. Since the brain is a confusing place for grandma, correcting her may make her upset and more confused. A child who is prepared for this may be able to handle the situation better.

Spending time with a family member or friend with dementia can be meaningful and fun. Activities that are geared to the likes and abilities of the individual are best. Activities such as going for a walk, gardening, or feeding birds allow for fond memories. Indoor activities can include sharing memories via a photo album, listening to music or baking.

Dementia is confusing for everyone. Children are no exception. As parents, we can educate ourselves and learn how to instruct our children.  So, take care of your children, yourselves, and each other.

By Steve Bond, BScPhm, RPh, CDE, FASCP