Paula's Fourteenth Week on Ideal Protein
This week I really struggled. The more I do this on my own, the more difficulty I have being strong. I haven’t cheated on the program but the struggle in turning down things I shouldn’t eat is growing. My mantra that has been working for me in the past (I’ve eaten so much of that, I’ve gotten to this point, so I don’t need any more) isn’t working. I’ve lost so much that I could stop now and I’d feel and look a lot better than I did before. Therefore, my thoughts have changed to, “I haven’t eaten this for so long, that I look like this, so I deserve to have it.” These thoughts are not productive to weight loss. As I said, I haven’t cheated, but when I weighed myself this week and it showed that I didn’t lose anything I was very frustrated.
Not only did I stick to the program and deny myself seemingly healthy things like Caesar Salad from Swiss Chalet, I still didn’t lose anything! Now, I know that it could just be the amount of water I had in my body at the time, but I wish the number on the scale reflected my hard work. This is the first time in my journey that I felt like the scale lied to me.
Cody has really been no help. He gives in to me too easily. For example, he’ll be eating something delicious and I’ll ask for a teeny tiny bite and he would let me. But then my will power kicks in and says no, it’s not worth it. The amount of will power it takes to say no, after he says yes is as tall as a mountain. Then, when the scale showed no difference, I told him to be stronger for me. Tell me no! Why? Well after the disappointment of the scale, I felt like I was more vulnerable to leave my will power at the door.
All that being said, something good did happen this week. For about two years, I have almost always worn leggings or sweat pants. This week, I opened up a drawer to do a cull of clothing I no longer wear and found some black pants that I haven’t worn in over two years. They were a size 8. Why hadn’t I worn them? Well, they didn’t fit me anymore. I was at least a size 12 in pants. I was about to get rid of them. I hadn’t worn them in two years after all. Then I decided, you know what, let’s see if these tiny pants fit me. Guess what…they did! They were a bit tight, but I could sit down and spend the day in them no problem. You know what this means? Four months on this program, four pant sizes down. Isn’t that insane? I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but honestly, the fact that I fit into these tiny pants gave me an extra boost of will power and confidence. Now my goal is to see if I can get down one more pant size before I reach my goal!